Don't pretend to know my job!

Ever notice how most of my entries lately are me ranting about how obnoxious my job and boss are? I have. Sorry about that. One of these days I'll even do a couple of entries in a row that aren't. Today isn't one of those days.
My boss called me into her office today after I finished my work to "talk" (I always know when she says that, I'm going to come out of it a little upset). So she informed me of all the things I've done wrong. Of course, most of the things I actually haven't done wrong, except for today. Marj (one of the residents) decided after waiting for about two minutes this morning, that she wasn't going to stick around for the rest of breakfast. I'd already given her the fruit cup that everyone gets every morning, and had offered her a drink of either milk or juice. She ate her fruit, but refused her drink. So I figured, okay, lets get her breakfast quick then, so she'll have something to eat. I went into the kitchen to put the french toast on the griddle. Before they were even halfway done, Marj got up and left. Well, she's done that before, while I'm trying to cook her breakfast, so I figured she'd be back soon and she just needed to go do something in her room. That's what usually happens. About half an hour later, after I've fed everyone who was now out, one of my coworkers came out and informed (not me, the cook) my other coworker that Marj wasn't coming out for breakfast because she had waited too long for it. Now, she couldn't have been waiting in that chair more than five minutes between the time when I offered her a drink and the time she got up and left. Had she waited another two minutes, breakfast would have been ready (yes, five minutes later than I'm technically supposed to have breakfast on the table, sue me, I was tired), and she could have eaten. But she left, and I got in trouble for it. For the record, that hardly ever happens. In fact, I can't actually remember a time when it has. I'm sure it has, and I just didn't pay any attention to it, but that does show you that it really doesn't happen very often. The thing that bugged me the most is that I was explaining to my boss why I didn't have breakfast on the table right at eight, and she told me that I needed to have breakfast ready enough to feed at least one person at 0730. I like to see her try. And, although she tried to convince me otherwise, it would be a complete waste. No one is out by 0730 and ready to eat. She tried to tell me that Anne is, but this morning she didn't come out until between 0830 and 0845. Even when she does come out early, she asks when breakfast will be ready and I tell her how many more minutes until 0800 and she wanders around trying to exercise her legs. Every one of the residents are perfectly fine (apparently with the exception of Marj) of waiting until 0800 to eat. My boss is the only one who seems to have a problem with it (and, again, apparently Marj some days). Sometimes I really wonder if my boss is just trying to come up with things to blame on me. Because about half of the things she accuses me of, even if they were true, would be a bit of a stretch, that most people wouldn't have a problem with. And the other things that are true, only happened once or twice, are easily fixable and really, all in all, not that big of a deal. Yes, back when I was in charge of meds, and I was messing those up, that was a problem. There's a reason I asked her to make it so I wasn't in charge of those anymore. I don't want to hurt those residents. But getting upset at me (fortunately she wasn't too upset at this, or I'd be questioning her sanity) for stopping her from putting a dirty dish in my clean soapy dish water so I could rinse it off first, is a bit excessive. And ridiculous. I know my job. I know what those residents want for breakfast better than anyone, I can almost guarantee it. Ask me any question about breakfast about any day and any resident, and I can answer it. (As long as it's actually pertinent, and I wouldn't put it past my boss to ask a completely impertinent question and get mad because I didn't know the answer.)
Anyway, I've gotten that out of my system. Good night.

Pain and Priesthood blessings

Today I went to my cousins farewell. Halfway through Sacrament meeting, my headache started getting worse and my stomach started hurting really badly. I stayed through Chane's talk, but had to leave right afterward. However, all that happened was that the pain in my stomach just got worse. So I stayed out in the foyer(ish) until the end of Sacrament meeting, then I went into the chapel to ask my dad if he could get someone to help him give me a blessing. I figured since both of my brothers were there, along with most of my uncles and my grandpa, it wouldn't take much to find someone. So my dad got Richard to join us and we went into an empty classroom. By this time my stomach hurt so badly that I could barely walk and I couldn't see because of the tears in my eyes. I don't cry for physical pain very easily, so that will tell you how bad it was.
So Richard and my Dad gave me a blessing. I have never had pain recede that quickly before. Almost as soon as my dad started the blessing the pain started to go away. By the time Dad was driving me home, I was exhausted, but fairly well pain-free. Interestingly enough, this also gave me a chance to learn something about myself. I mentioned how cool priesthood blessing were to my dad, and he told me that they had always worked on me. He said that sometimes when I was very little, too young to really know what was going on, I would be crying and nothing either of my parents could do could calm me down. But when Dad gave me a blessing I'd calm right down and go to sleep.
I look at all of the signs in my life that Heavenly Father loves me, and I wonder how people could not believe in him. I know that occasionally life stinks, but a lot of those times are times when Heavenly Father is trying to show you his love and how much you need to rely on him. This morning's pain was really bad, and I didn't like it at the time, but because of it, I was able to not only feel my Heavenly Father's love for me as he took the pain away, but my Dad's love for me as he showed his concern and gave me a blessing. I'm very grateful for times such as these.

Forgiveness

Yesterday's experience that I ranted about on here helped me realize something. I don't hate easily. Even when I feel something akin to hatred, it goes away quickly usually. Yesterday I wrote in my journal that I hated my boss. Well, I don't. I no longer dislike her. I still don't like her, but this morning I was able to speak to her with indifference. This makes it go back to one person that I dislike. And that dislike could possibly be above the dislike category and hitting the hatred category. Because his offense was not against me. His offense was against someone I love as a sister and will always regard her as such. I have discovered that when an offense against me is made, it is forgiven quickly. Especially when it is such a small offense as simply insulting me. It doesn't change the fact that I still want a different job and that I don't like working with her, since she is, well, actually I'm not sure how to describe her that you could understand. You'd just have to meet her under the circumstances that her employees know her.
I'm glad to know that I can rise above her and forgive. I'm glad to know that no matter how much my boss bugs the crap out of me, I will not do anything to make it so that I'm not giving those residents the best care I can. If that means having to put up with her when I have to, so be it. For now.

Shoot me now!

This is going to be somewhat of a rant. (I'm sure you've noticed that I do a lot of those).
So I worked the graveyard shift for my friend last night and this afternoon got a call from my boss railing into me about all of the things I did wrong. Of course, the only thing that I got out of her spiel that was actually my fault was that one of the residents was sopping wet when she got up this morning. Now, I would like to point out that this particular resident is wet most mornings, and the last (and only) time I worked a morning shift where I got her up she had soaked clear through two briefs and the sheets as well, because the night aide hadn't taken her to the bathroom at all. I did at least take her once and had to put up with her yelling at me because I was mean enough to make her do all the things that she's capable of doing by herself. I didn't do everything for her. OH MY GOSH!!! I am such a HORRIBLE person. I'm trying to keep her strong. Sue me.
So I'm now forbidden forever, from taking a night shift. Does this seem at all fair to anyone? I wish I could find another job that would be willing to hire me for only three months, but there never is anyone like that, and I'm moving in April. I cannot wait. For multiple reasons. This just adds to the list.
Okay. I'm done ranting now. I don't feel any better.

Soundtrack to Life

Isn't it interesting how sometimes when you're walking along, listening to a song, it describes your life right then perfectly?
Maybe that's just me.
However, that has happened to me on many occasions. So I've been thinking about a soundtrack for my life. I've come up with a couple of songs for it. Of course, I would have to have Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning by Alan Jackson to remember Sept 11, 2001. The year in between High School and College would be Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson. My first college year would have to be Danger Zone from Top Gun and Someday Love Will Find You by Journey (Danger Zone was my "hot song" (all of the roommates had one) and one of my roommates was forever dedicating Someday Love Will Find You to almost anyone that was in the room). The time after that first year of college would be Suddenly by Superchick. The time right before my mission would be Running Away by Midnight Hour. The time right before I came home from my mission would be Leave Out All The Rest by Linkin Park. The time right after my mission would have to be Breaking the Habit by Linkin Park, Bring Me to Life by Evanescence, and Papercut by Linkin Park. And right now would be Independently Happy by Blue October.
It will be interesting to find out what songs coincide with the adventure I will take this summer to Alaska.

The Force?

May the Force be with you! We've all heard this line hundreds, if not millions of times. But what does it mean? I don't think I want it with me.
I was watching, on and off, Star Wars Episode three on Monday. Of course, we all know what happens. Out of desperation to save his beloved wife, Padme, from dying in child birth, Anakin turns to the dark side, essentially killing her.
But what bothered me when I watched it this time was not the fact that he was so incredibly blind, but what Yoda says to him at one point.
"The fear of loss is a path to the dark side. . . Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not. Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed that is. . . Train yourself to let go... of everything you fear to lose."
So what are they saying? That we should never love anyone? Of course they are. That's why Anakin turned isn't it? Because he loved too much. So what about Obi-Wan? He loved Anakin. It killed him when he had to destroy Anakin. But what eventually leads to the downfall of the Empire? Love. A Jedi Knight refuses to kill a Sith Lord out of love. And the Dith Lord has that love awakened in him and saves his son. Luke mourns his father. It's one of the most beautiful parts of the entire series. Love saves Anakin.
The fear of loss isn't what turned him. He didn't want to loose his wife because he loved her, yes. But he could have taken a different path. Had he taken a different path, she would have lived. Had he truly loved her, he never could have hurt her the way he did. I believe he thought he loved her. But to truly love someone means to never go down a path that they cannot follow and expect them too.
I guess what really bothered me, is that you cannot live without love. The Jedi way of life is by practice a loving life, because they protect life. They care about others. But you cannot allow yourself happiness, joy, and love because (as there is opposition in all things, even in the sci fi world) those emotions can lead to sadness, pain, and jealousy. However, not allowing yourself to feel those emotions will lead somewhere far worse. Apathy. If you are not happy, you don't necessarily have to be sad. You can just be there. You can just exsist. But if you start caring about people, you might just grow to love them. If you love them and they are lost to you, then you will feel sorrow. And, to quote Yoda again, that can lead to anger, which leads to hate, which can lead to gasp! suffering! Well, which one of us hasn't suffered? Yoda himself has suffered. But I know from many experiences that suffering is much less if you have someone that you love and that loves you back to share in that.
So I suppose that's my rant for the day. I like the force they portray in the last three movies, but the force in the first three in competely apathetic and seems as dark to me as the dark side. The dark side doesn't love simply because they are evil. The light side doesn't love because they aren't allowed. All in all, not a whole lot of love going around.

Moving to Alaska

So I got the job in Alaska that I wanted. I cannot wait! My Mom really wants someone to drive up there with me, I'm not sure who though. My aunt really wants to go to Alaska, and I think spending a week and a half with her would be really fun. I don't know. I think the whole trip would at least be much less boring if someone were with me. The question is, would whoever it is be okay with my music? Cause I'm planning on having a LOT of CD's with me and and MP3 player that will play over the radio. I need music when I drive, or I can't concentrate. That could be interesting while I'm driving a bus. Maybe I'll get over my constant need for music while I'm there. . . but probably not.
Training starts sometime next month, and from what I understand, I should be paid minimum wage for the hours I spend learning. Isn't that AWESOME? I'm getting paid to learn. The thing I love to do almost more than anything, and I'm getting paid for it. I love it.
Anyway, That's my update. Pretty short, I know, but that's life right now. Fairly boring (until I move anyway. Hopefully I'll have a lot of updates then).

The end of the old, the beginning of the new

Before I begin, let me just say that 2008 was very good to me. I had many wonderful experiences, not the least of these being my incredible mission. But let me tell you, it did not start out too great.
2008 started out as most of my years do, at my grandparent's house, which is fine. But around 11:55, I started getting an incredibly bad headache. Right at midnight, it shot clear out of the roof and left me in tears - due to the abnormally loud noise then emanating from my family as they celebrated the new year. I didn't complain for about five minutes, allowing the fact that they were excited about something I really wasn't. But after five minutes of non stop horn blowing and screaming (I couldn't figure out how the younger cousins hadn't woken up yet), I began to wonder when they would stop. I finally had to go outside to get away from the noise, although I could still hear it. I was fairly sobbing now, my head hurt so badly, and I was cold on top of it. But I lay down on the driveway, and tried to wait it out and let my family enjoy their moment. It was not the best way to start a new year.
2009 began in a much quieter and more Julie Ann-ish way.
I had been invited by a friend to a party, which I actually had been planning on going to; until I got too into my book. I began it at about 6:00, and by the time it would have been time to go, I was just getting to the best part of the book, and I wasn't really feeling that celebratory anyway. So I texted my friend, told her I was feeling anti-social and wouldn't make it, and then went back to my book, glancing up every once in a while to check and see how long it would be until midnight. Even with my checking, I missed it by about a minute. A little before 12:01, I once again glanced at my watch and noticed that it was, officially, 2009. So I absently said Happy New Year to myself, and went back to my book, which was at the part that absolutely thrilled me by this time. At 12:15, I finished my book, said good night to my surprisingly still awake father, and went downstairs to my bed. Well, 2009 was already starting out better than 2008, but I still wanted to truly start this year out correctly. So I pulled out my scriptures and read. I only really had time for one chapter, as I had work at 7:00 the next morning, and really needed sleep, but I read anyway and then wrote shortly in my journal. Feeling I had accomplished my goal to start 2009 well, I put everything away, and turned off my light and went to bed.
So that is how I rang in this year. If I can say so without offending anyone, I liked it better than any other new year, and I'm tempted to do it again for 2010. We'll see.