Contemplation

Call me crazy, and I know a few of you will, but I have a tendency to take on characteristics of characters from TV shows I watch. For instance, anytime I watched an episode of Stargate Atlantis that featured Rodney McKay, which was most of them, I found myself talking really, really fast and using very large words. Now, as one of the characters from my current TV show is contemplating his life, it makes me begin to contemplate mine.

I don't think many of you will know this, since I've only told some friends, a few coworkers, and my uncle, but I have recently been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Which explains a LOT. The weird thing is, when I started the medication that my doctor prescribed me, the bipolar went crazy! Trust me, you have never had mood swings until you've been put on a mood stabilizer. Just the name makes me laugh at the irony. I think what happens is that the medication sends to you the highest high it can get you to and lowest low so that it can slowly make that roller coaster even out. So I blame the fact that I randomly started crying nonstop during church a few weeks ago on that crazy fact. And all the hyperness that I've been feeling is probably because of that as well.

Anyway, what I have realized during the initial diagnostic process and since then as well, is that I don't actually know what it feels like to be normal. It's an odd realization. When my doctor asked me what the most irrational thing I'd ever done, something that just didn't seem like me, was, I couldn't really answer him. Because nothing doesn't really seem like me. I suppose I've had to be more logical than most people since I get sudden urges to do random things like just jump in a car and drive as far as I can, if only to see where I end up. But I don't ever do them. Because I know it doesn't make sense. And I don't have the money for gas so I'd end up stranded on the side of the road somewhere with no cell service and completely lost at the same time, with my luck. :) But the point is, I don't think I'm even going to know if my medication is working or if I'm simply in a slightly manic state where I feel like I might be normal. I literally do not know what normal feels like. Does that make me crazy?

I was talking to my Dad about this, since he had the unfortunate experience of being the one that saw me crying for absolutely no reason at church, and he quoted my brother. "I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it." I responded that I didn't. He said that was obvious. Am I actually insane, or does realizing that I can't do this by myself, getting on medication and talking to a therapist prove that I'm not?

I don't honestly know if I know the answer to that. I know that my job helps me feel a little better about life, since I'm hardly ever bored and am learning a lot. But I'm scared that I'll end up feeling stagnant again. I always do, in every job I've ever had. What does that say about me? That I learn too quickly, or just get bored too easily?

As I'm sure you can tell, my life is a little weird right now. I guess there's a lot of stuff that I can talk to my new therapist about next Tuesday. But I hope that normalcy is close. Never take a working brain for granted. Having a chemical imbalance there is no fun at all.

New Job!

Finally!
I started my new job today. It was fantastic! I absolutely loved it. It was a little overwhelming with how much information there was to soak up, but I know that I'll pick it all up really fast. I'm really looking forward to being able to learn everything I can about Dermatology. One of the things I'll be doing is training on the Laser Hair Removal laser, which I think will just be awesome. I got to help with a laser treatment today (not hair removal) and it was just fascinating. I also got to help out with a couple of surgeries for the first time ever. Good thing i can handle the sight of blood and the smell of cauterization! It wasn't that strong, or that bad. If that's the worst there is, I'll be absolutely fine. It's probably not, though and I look forward to seeing more.
I'm really looking forward to moving up there in January. It will be nice to not have to drive almost an hour in rush hour traffic to get to and from work. Plus, my car will prefer it as well.
I wish I could go into details about my job some more, but that doesn't really work in the Medical field. Oh well. I'll just say it's the coolest ever! I'm so excited!

NaNoWriMo

There is, perhaps a problem with getting ready for NaNoWriMo too early, because now I want to work on my novel right now, instead of waiting to work on it in August or November. For those of you who do not know, NaNoWriMo, is short for National Novel Writing Month. You are supposed to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. That's 1,667 words per day.
With the novel I have laid out for myself, that shouldn't be too difficult. I imagine I might even get extra words as I have extra scenes ready.
And so it sits there, taunting me. Telling me, Start now! Start while I'm fresh on your mind. Start before you get a job and have no time!
And it has many valid points. I do think that if I started now that I could catch up with those doing July's NaNoWriMo. But the more I delay, the less likely that is. They are already supposed to be at 13,000 words. And I'm at 0. So what should I do? Start now and pray I make it, or wait until August and pray I have enough time to make it?

The month of May

Wow! What an exciting month May was! Graduation, and California! Good times.

May actually started out fairly boring. At least compared to the rest of the month. I hung out with my new friend Sam a lot. She just moved from California at the end of April and I was her first Utah friend. It's a bit of a culture shock for her, as I'm sure you can imagine.

Anyway, she hadn't been able to bring all of her things on her trip here, since she flew, and therefore needed to go back and get them. Unfortunately, due to some medical issues, she is unable to drive. So she either needed to take several plane rides back and forth, or she needed someone to drive her there so she could pick up all of her things.

Cue me! I love to drive and desperately wanted to get out the state for a little while. So we decided that she, another friend of mine, and I would drive over and get her stuff. And so Sam decided to make a vacation of it. She bought three tickets for Sea World, San Diego Zoo, Disneyland, and California Adventure park. We went through AAA and bought a five city pass, so it didn't cost as much as it would separately. After desperately looking around for a car we could take so we wouldn't have to spend $500 on a rental car, Justin's parents said we could use their jeep. so we were ready to go!

But there were a few things to do first. Like go to the midnight showing of Pirates 4 completely dressed up. It was so much fun! The movie is awesome and we all looked AMAZING!

On May 21st, 2011, I graduated from the Medical Assistant program at Provo College with high honors, meaning I got a 3.85 GPA. All of the other students in my class were shocked when they learned that I'd never gotten that high of a GPA before. I was incredibly proud of myself. Especially my 4.0 in one of my terms. It's amazing what you can do when you decide to do it.

Grandma and Grandpa were able to make it up for my graduation, which I was incredibly grateful for. My cousin on my Dad's side was getting married in Richfield at the exact same time, so no one on that side was able to make it up. But the twins and Mom and Dad were there, along with Sam and another friend, Rachelle. It was so great to celebrate with everyone. After graduation, we went to Nicolitalia's for lunch. For those of you who haven't been there, may I suggest it now. It's one of Dad's and my favorite places. So Good! The rest of the day was spent getting ready to leave for California the next day.

And leave we did. We made really good time, making it to San Diego by about 9 CA time that night. And that was after we spent a good two hours in Las Vegas! We went to the top of the Stratosphere. No, we did NOT go on the crazy roller coaster or the see saw that's on top of the building. Nor did we feel the need to jump off. But I did watch a couple of the people who did. Maybe someday I will have the nerve to do that, but not yet.

San Diego was awesome. We went to Sea World on Monday. I enjoyed it a lot, especially the dolphins, even if i didn't get to touch one. That was not for the lack of trying though, I assure you. Next time I go, I'm going to make sure I saved enough money that I can do the "swimming with the dolphins" thing. That looked cool.

The dolphin show was very cool, if a little cheesy. And Shamu was really fun to watch. I was a little confused though. There were three whales. Are they all named Shamu?

Monday night we ate at the Cheesecake factory. Can I just say, YUM! Best pizza I have EVER tasted. Justin enjoyed his meal as well, and Sam was impressed by how they altered her food to fit with the gluten-free diet she has to be on. the manager even came out to make sure he knew her exact restrictions.

Tuesday we went to San Diego Zoo. It was so much fun to see all of those animals, most of which I've never seen in real life before. I know, can you call a zoo "real life"? But it's more real life than pictures or movies, so I was happy. Sam insisted we see the rhinos, as they are her favorite. They didn't look the way I thought rhinos looked, but I guess that's what I get for only seeing them in pictures and movies!

That evening we were able to meet up with my Aunt and Uncle who live down there. It was so much fun to see them! I don't get to nearly as much as I'd like, due to the fact that they live thirteen hours away. They bought us all ice cream and we visited for a while. Then we said goodbye and headed up the coast to Anaheim.

Darth Vader was there! They were filming this commercial while we were there.

Rapunzel!!! my favorite princess!

I tried. It didn't work. :(

This is the awesome family we met while we were there!

Check out how cute Sam is in her ears!

Disneyland was AMAZING! Sam wanted to make sure Justin and I got the full experience, since he'd never been and I hadn't been since I was six. So she booked breakfast our first day at the Plaza Inn. A lot of Characters were wandering around the restaurant, sitting down with the diners and letting people take pictures. Either Chip of Dale (I can't tell the apart) sat with us for a while and wanted to "drink" Sam's chocolate milk. But he couldn't get the lid off without help. So Justin took the lid off and the chipmunk pretended to drink it. We got pictures with Tigger, Minnie Mouse, Eeyore, Geppetto, and more. And breakfast was delicious and filling. It was great.

I can't even remember what all we did that day. Sam had gotten us reservations at a restaurant called the Blue Bayou for dinner. It sits on the bank of the river that the Pirate's ride is on, so you get to watch people go past while eating. That had been the first ride we went on that morning, and she pointed out to us where we would be eating.

The next day we spent most of the day in Disneyland again, hopping over to California Adventure Park for dinner where we had reservations at "Ariel's Grotto". Sam discovered Tapioca bread there, and loved it! She was so excited to find some bread she could have. I had delicious mashed potatoes and steak. After dinner, we got a really good spot for watching the World of Color. It was beautiful! It's a water show.

Sam won!

Both parks closed early that night for Senior night, where all the high school students got the parks to themselves for a few hours. By this time we were exhausted so we went back to the hotel and went to bed – after Justin and Sam had their nightly pillow fight, of course.

The last day we went to California Adventure park first, and went on some of the rides. “Soarin’ over California” was really cool, and the “Tower of Terror” was probably my favorite ride, even if it did put me off elevators for the rest of the trip. I wanted to get a shirt that said “Tower of Terror – I survived”, but I didn’t when we were in the “hotel lobby”. I was thinking it would be at the shop at the front of the park, or even in Disney Downtown. But it wasn’t. So, I guess I’ll have to go again!

Saturday, we went to Disney Downtown to get anything else we wanted, and then headed to LA for a My Chemical Romance concert. It was pretty cool, even if it wasn’t exactly my thing. Justin and Sam absolutely loved it. At one in the morning, after the concert ended, we got back into the car and headed further up the coast for the last stop on our agenda. San Jose. It was a 6 hour drive. I drove most of it, since Justin was absolutely drained, and I had gotten a nap earlier. We got in at about 7 am, only to find that they had given our room away an hour earlier. Luckily, since San Jose is where Sam lived up until a month ago, she had somewhere we could crash until they had a room for us. I was picked up for church, being the only one even remotely awake, and dropped off at the hotel, as they had cleaned a room for us while I was gone.

We were going to go to San Francisco on Monday, but it was Memorial Day and the traffic was insane. So we spent the day in, and went and visited a few of Sam’s friends.

The drive home seemed longer than the one there, and perhaps it was. We got back to Orem at about 1:30, unpacked the Jeep, and went to bed.

And that was the last day of May. Hope I entertained you with my month. I kept myself entertained pretty well. :D

A Bit of a Rant

I quit my job.

There. I said it, it's now officially public knowledge. I no longer work at the Center for Change and haven't for a week and a half. March 26th was my last day there. And here's the story as to why.

I went into this term hot headed and bold. I was going to prove to everyone that I could do school, my externship, and work, all at the same time and without falling behind in my studies.

I was fooling myself.

The first week of the term was boring. All I had was work and school. I hadn't started my externship yet.

The second week was interesting. All I had was school and my externship, and I was loving it already.

The third week was when I realized that the load I had put on myself couldn't be done.

Working 14 hours both Monday and Wednesday and 12 hours Tuesday and Thursday just about killed me. I knew on Wednesday when, for the first time, I was dreading going to work later that day, that this wasn't going to work.

That knowledge grew as I fell behind in my homework - not far enough to get bad grades, but far enough to know that it wouldn't take much to get to that point - and I knew. I knew what I had to do.

So I e-mailed my supervisor. I gave her my two week notice (which was actually two and a half weeks) and let her know the last day that I'd be working. I explained my situation and the Center let me go. But both my supervisor and the HR head called me to say good-bye. I was amazed to find that I was actually going to miss it a little. I'd made friends, I had figured out the system. They had to hire two new employees to replace me.

But I knew I was doing what was best for me.

Before I left the Center for Change, my chest would hurt slightly almost constantly. For the two weeks that I had all three things, it felt as though someone had stuck a knife through my chest and just left it there, embedded deeply enough that I couldn't do anything about it. I can't count the number of times my mom popped my back, hoping that would help. I even got a massage and a CT scan, hoping that those would do something. But to no avail. The pain was constant, though there was nothing wrong with my chest physically.

Then I left the Center. I determined to spend more time studying and a bit of time everyday just completely relaxing, praying that my mom was right and the stress was what was causing my pain. In the past week and a half, the pain has lessened so incredibly that I'm shocked. Obviously, it was stress, and my body doesn't handle stress nearly as well as I thought it did.

I'm also surprised at how much easier studying for my exam is when I'm not trying to cram it in between patients while at my externship or between classes at school. I took a practice exam today and scored a 94%! I have to get a 70% to pass. Obviously, I still have to study, but it gives me hope that even though I didn't get as good of a start on studying as I maybe should have, I still have a good chance of passing. After all, I passed my ham radio exam didn't I? And I understand this stuff WAY more than I did that!

So if you see me relaxing in front of the TV, playing solitaire, or going to a movie with my friends; don't wonder why I'm not studying. Be glad I'm relaxing so that I can concentrate to do so when the time comes. Because trust me, it's very hard to concentrate on anything when your chest hurts that badly.

Daily Challenge

So, I found on Facebook an ad for something about health. Now, I don't normally click on ads, but it looked remotely interesting, so I did. It took me to a site that gives people small daily challenges and you get points when you do them. The challenges I've done include: Check you pillow for proper firmness, Replace a sugary snack with a fruit, Do an L shaped stretch (feet straight in front of you, lean over them), Tackle junk mail by opting out of a mailing list, Get a pair of UV protection sunglasses. But my favorite so far was today's. Make an Emergency ID card. They have a link to a ready made card format that all you have to do is fill out with your info. You can find it here. I'd never even thought to do this! And I'm in the medical profession. So I've filled mine out and want to do one for everyone in my family as well. You should do it, and maybe even join me in the daily challenges. I love it! I don't usually promote Facebook apps, but this one I actually believe can help you instead of hindering you like all the games they have.

"Mormonism"

Ah, the ever heatedly debated subject. Is there a more controversial issue out there? Because if there is, I’d like to know about it.

This article was in this morning’s newspaper. When I went to read the comics, my eyes lit on this and I read it instead. Now, those of you who know me, know that I'm not that much into contention. I'll argue something if I feel I'm right, but only to a point. When I find that I can't convince someone, I generally just give up and move on.

There is, however, one point in which I will never do this. There is one thing that I will argue to the last, not in contention, but in fact, because it's the very basis of what I believe. And that is the LDS church's stand on who Jesus Christ is. on whether or not we are Christian.

I tell you right now, blatantly and bluntly that we ARE! The name of the church is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We would not name our church after a man we didn't believe was the most important man ever to walk this planet or any other.

He is our Savior, Lord, and Redeemer. But more than that. He is MY Savior, Lord, and Redeemer. Without Him, I would be lost, and I know everyone else in this world would be as well. I cannot think of Him without feeling an overwhelming degree of gratitude, love, and joy.

So don't tell me I'm not Christian.

We do not "consider" ourselves to be Christian, as the man in this article states. We ARE Christian. After all, what makes a Christian a Christian? Dictionary.com defines it as "a person who believes in Jesus Christ; adherent of Christianity, a person who exemplifies in his or her life the teachings of Christ". 

I assure you that "Mormons" fall under that category.

I love hearing about other religions. I find it interesting to learn exactly what other people believe from their perspective. As far as I'm concerned, it's the only way TO learn what other faiths teach. What better way to learn what someone believes than to ask them and have them tell you?

In other words, I would never ask a Jew what a Buddhist believes. That just seems silly. So when trying to find out what a "Mormon" believes, I suggest you ask a "Mormon". Mormon.org, for instance is a fantastic website for just such a pursuit, because you'll actually get a true answer, not something from someone who has either been sadly misinformed, as I believe most people out there are, or are actively trying to bring the "Mormon" church down.

You want to know what we believe? Read our book. If that isn't proof of our devotion and love for our Savior, I don't know what is. The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ. How many out there know the full name of the book? It stands along side the Bible in proclaiming to the world that Jesus Christ is our Lord and Redeemer. It's purpose is to "the convincing of the Jew and Gentile that Jesus is the Christ, the Eternal God, manifesting himself unto all nations". The book is true. I know it is.

The biggest controversy in the article I linked to was about Joseph Smith. For those who don't know who that is, he was the founder of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You can hear of his experience in how that came about, from his own words, here. If the Book of Mormon is true, and I know it is, then Joseph Smith was a true prophet, because he brought forth a book from God. One cannot be true without the other being true also.

I believe the best way to put this is how President Gordon B. Hinckley, former President of the LDS church put it. I'll only summarize his talk, but the full talk can be found here.

"Joseph’s story of the gold plates was fantastic. It was hard to believe and easy to challenge. Could he have written it of his own capacity? It is here, my brothers and sisters, for everyone to see, to handle, to read. Every attempt to explain its origin, other than that which he gave, has fallen of its own weight. He was largely unschooled; and yet, in a very brief time, he brought forth the translation which in published form comes to more than 500 pages. . . Through all of these years critics have tried to explain it. They have spoken against it. They have ridiculed it. But it has outlived them all, and its influence today is greater than at any time in its history. . . To you, this day, I affirm my witness of the calling of the Prophet Joseph, of his works, of the sealing of his testimony with his blood as a martyr to the eternal truth. Each of you can bear witness of the same thing."

That's powerful. It's amazing. And if it wasn't true, who would dare make such a fantastic story up?

If you want to know what we believe, there you have it. That's my testimony. For the world to see. Ridicule it, admire it, I don't care. It's what I know to be true. And nothing anyone says or argues will EVER change that fact.

Publishing Portals

I think it's finally going to happen.  I am going to be able to publish my novel.  The novel I've been working on for the last 12 years. As I think back on how it began, I can't help but laugh. And marvel. I started it in seventh grade with dreams of turning it into a movie. In eighth grade, though it wasn't really finished, I started making it into a screen play. I'm not sure when it began to be the book it is now, but I do know that sometime between junior high and now, I decided that the entire thing was so cheesy it wasn't funny, and that it needed to just be rewritten. While I was deciding that, I wrote the second novel in the series, which I entitled "The Man in the Attic". I finished that book. And have since started completely over, as it was really cheesy as well.

Am I doomed to write every novel twice?

But now, I've finished Portals for the second time, oddly enough the last line is the same as the original, at least I had that right, and I'm on the editing stage. I and two of my friends sat on the couch for five hours a few days ago and got through the Prologue. Which was only 490 words long. It ended up being 587 words long by the end of the night. We went through it word by word, sentence by sentence, paragraph by paragraph, trying to make sure it was exactly what I wanted. It is much better than it was before, but I had no idea that this process would take quite as long as it did.  I suppose it didn't help that we are three best friends and prone to go on tangents.

The knowledge that I've made it this far is incredible. My dream of being published is details and money away.

Trust the Scrubs

I took my car to the shop today. It always takes a little while, so I headed over to DI to pass the time until they called.  First I headed over to the book section and found a book that looked interesting. I took it to the furniture section and sat down on a green couch.  I read some, fell asleep, woke up, gave up on reading, and went to wander the store.

As usual when I go to DI, I headed over to the scrubs section. As I got there, a little girl, who was all alone, looked up at me and said something completely incomprehensible. I must admit, I'm not that great with kids, so I just stared at her, then turned to the scrubs and started looking through them. She left for a short time, then came back and said something again.  This time I understood the word 'mommy'. Again I glanced around and actually realized that she was alone.  So I asked her where her mommy was.  She didn't know.

So, sighing, I suggested that we go find her mommy. She was all for that idea and grabbed my hand. I figured I would take her to the front of the store where they could make an announcement that she was there. Halfway to the front, she suddenly yelled "there!", let go of my hand and ran up to a cart with a woman standing next to it. I was expecting her to get her mom's attention or something. Instead, she reached up, got a soft drink out of the cart, and started drinking it. I had to laugh.

I reflected later on why she was so trusting to take my hand automatically. Maybe she's just like that, in which case, I'm a little concerned for her well being.  I was obviously not going to do anything to her, but there are those who would.

But, perhaps her mother had taught her, or she just figured instinctively, I'm not sure, that people in scrubs can be trusted. She didn't go to anyone else after I basically shooed her away, instead came back to me. I never realized that this outfit could bring so much respect from one so young.