Well, I attempted to do my duty as a Stargate fan today, and ended up failing miserably. AHHHH!!!! I'm a FAILURE!!!!! I don't know anyone with the SciFi channel that would let me commandeer their TV for even the very short hour that I needed it to watch this very important episode. As it stands now, I have to wait to watch it until I can download it on Sunday or Monday. That will, unfortunately, not help with the ratings, therefore, not help get another season. But I tried! I did all I could! Don't hate me all you Stargate fans if I messed it up forever. (Okay, I doubt I would have really made THAT much of a difference, but still.) I'm still going to try to watch the other episodes live if I possibly can. I must do my duty to the Stargate world so that we can have more Stargate world and we can continue to enjoy it immensely like we do.
I am also in the process of bringing another Stargate fan up to speed on the show. It could take a while as he's only really seen through the first episode of season 5 of SG-1, but we're going to watch the DVDs on his parents' BIG SCREEN TV (assuming they'll let us), which I can't wait for because Stargate on a big screen TV as big as his parents' big screen TV, will just be flippin' AWESOME!
Friday, September 28, 2007
Sunday, September 23, 2007
An amount of pain I hope never to feel again
I have as of late, been thinking about personal history and my Autobiography, which I am attempting to write. This is the latest memory I have written down and I thought I would share it on here. This occurred Dec. 9, 2002 and the poem that goes along with it I wrote on October 12, 2003. The second friend in the poem is a rat by the name of Karmel that my sister had gotten for Christmas two years prior to this.
As I left the house that morning, I held Sammi extra long, believing I would never see him again. I knew he needed to be put down. He was in pain, he was blind, he was deaf, and he had lost his sense of smell. I knew he wasn’t happy anymore, but I selfishly wanted to hold on. I wanted him to stay with me. He wasn’t only my dog, my pet, he was my best friend, and confidant. He was the one who could always make me feel better. And he was to be killed today. And my parents had informed me that I couldn’t be there. So, believing it was the last time, I hugged my dog and left for school with tears in my eyes.
Halfway through school I received a note from the office telling me that my mother had called and wanted me home right after school. Thoroughly trusting that I was missing Sammi’s appointment, I went through the rest of the day, trying to guess what the reason was. But, obediently, I went home on the bus so as to make it home as soon as possible. When I got there, I was surprised to hear Sammi’s toenails clicking against the kitchen floor. I was overjoyed to hear that the appointment had been made for three o’clock and Mom had called to make sure I would make it, because she knew how much it meant to me.
I held Sammi on the way to the clinic, as we took him unknowingly to his death. I knew it was what was right for him, but I couldn’t help but see it that way. I carefully carried him into the room when our name was called and then gave him over to the nurse for her to take him into the back room. It wasn’t until I first heard him yelp that the tears finally started to flow, and flow hard. I knew his yelp of pain. I could understand him as though he were talking to me and I knew that they were hurting him. I knew he didn’t understand what they were doing. I didn’t even fully understand what they were doing. With every yelp I heard come from him, I jerked with pain as my spirit cried out for him. This is one of the times I remember most strongly feeling Dads love for me, because when he saw my pain, my dad gathered me into his arms and allowed me to cry into his chest. With every jerk of pain from me, he held me tighter, unable to help any other way. At last they brought Sammi out for me to hold as they injected him with the medication that would make him sleep forever. This was my first time ever dealing with death, and I didn’t know what to expect. But I held him and comforted him and let him comfort me as they put the needle in him and slowly drained the liquid. I petted him until he was finally still and I knew he was gone. A new bout of tears I hadn’t thought I was capable of came and my father gathered me into his arms again as I sobbed hysterically.
I suppose the hardest part of losing Sammi was not knowing if I would ever see him again. I had full faith that I would see all of my human family again. I knew that they would be there. But I didn’t know if animals would be there, and even if they were, would Sammi know me, would he come to me? I have since learned that he will be there. I know he loves me as I loved him and he was happy to go. I can picture him as a happy little puppy surrounded by people that are caring for him until I can get there to do it. I hope more than anything that he will be one of the first to greet me when I finally reach the other side.
Halfway through school I received a note from the office telling me that my mother had called and wanted me home right after school. Thoroughly trusting that I was missing Sammi’s appointment, I went through the rest of the day, trying to guess what the reason was. But, obediently, I went home on the bus so as to make it home as soon as possible. When I got there, I was surprised to hear Sammi’s toenails clicking against the kitchen floor. I was overjoyed to hear that the appointment had been made for three o’clock and Mom had called to make sure I would make it, because she knew how much it meant to me.
I held Sammi on the way to the clinic, as we took him unknowingly to his death. I knew it was what was right for him, but I couldn’t help but see it that way. I carefully carried him into the room when our name was called and then gave him over to the nurse for her to take him into the back room. It wasn’t until I first heard him yelp that the tears finally started to flow, and flow hard. I knew his yelp of pain. I could understand him as though he were talking to me and I knew that they were hurting him. I knew he didn’t understand what they were doing. I didn’t even fully understand what they were doing. With every yelp I heard come from him, I jerked with pain as my spirit cried out for him. This is one of the times I remember most strongly feeling Dads love for me, because when he saw my pain, my dad gathered me into his arms and allowed me to cry into his chest. With every jerk of pain from me, he held me tighter, unable to help any other way. At last they brought Sammi out for me to hold as they injected him with the medication that would make him sleep forever. This was my first time ever dealing with death, and I didn’t know what to expect. But I held him and comforted him and let him comfort me as they put the needle in him and slowly drained the liquid. I petted him until he was finally still and I knew he was gone. A new bout of tears I hadn’t thought I was capable of came and my father gathered me into his arms again as I sobbed hysterically.
I suppose the hardest part of losing Sammi was not knowing if I would ever see him again. I had full faith that I would see all of my human family again. I knew that they would be there. But I didn’t know if animals would be there, and even if they were, would Sammi know me, would he come to me? I have since learned that he will be there. I know he loves me as I loved him and he was happy to go. I can picture him as a happy little puppy surrounded by people that are caring for him until I can get there to do it. I hope more than anything that he will be one of the first to greet me when I finally reach the other side.
Painful Change
December 9, 2002
clinging to her father, tears running down her face,
her life changed forever.
Every yelp he makes brings a jerk from her.
Her father holds her tighter.
Her best friend is put to sleep after 16 years together
his little toenails will never be heard above her again
his little tail won’t wag for her when she comes home.
She can’t pet his head and know everything’s alright.
She’ll miss him horribly.
October 12, 2003
she clings to daddy once more, tears overflowing.
To go through it again is more painful then she thought possible.
The friend that had taken her confidant’s place
was stepped on, back broken, and died
The pain she feels now as she cries to God for help
fills her entire being with a great sense of loss
he isn’t listening, not comforting, it’s too painful for words.
She asks to have pain given her if only to bring her little friend back.
No such luck.
Riding on the wind, as fast as she can go, to the cemetery
“Help me Please!” She yells, no one hears, no one cares.
“Just a best friend, that’s all I want to comfort me when down.”
No one is listening, no one comes, she is all alone.
But then a friend comes to comfort her
and gives her the hug she’s longed for,
“You are not alone,” he whispers softly.
“You have your friends, family, and the Lord.
His spirit will guide you.”
Wrapped up in his arms, she feels love.
She believes.
December 9, 2002
clinging to her father, tears running down her face,
her life changed forever.
Every yelp he makes brings a jerk from her.
Her father holds her tighter.
Her best friend is put to sleep after 16 years together
his little toenails will never be heard above her again
his little tail won’t wag for her when she comes home.
She can’t pet his head and know everything’s alright.
She’ll miss him horribly.
October 12, 2003
she clings to daddy once more, tears overflowing.
To go through it again is more painful then she thought possible.
The friend that had taken her confidant’s place
was stepped on, back broken, and died
The pain she feels now as she cries to God for help
fills her entire being with a great sense of loss
he isn’t listening, not comforting, it’s too painful for words.
She asks to have pain given her if only to bring her little friend back.
No such luck.
Riding on the wind, as fast as she can go, to the cemetery
“Help me Please!” She yells, no one hears, no one cares.
“Just a best friend, that’s all I want to comfort me when down.”
No one is listening, no one comes, she is all alone.
But then a friend comes to comfort her
and gives her the hug she’s longed for,
“You are not alone,” he whispers softly.
“You have your friends, family, and the Lord.
His spirit will guide you.”
Wrapped up in his arms, she feels love.
She believes.
And although I don't think that friend will read this, he knows who he is. Thank you! I think you may have spiritually and emotionally saved my life that day.
Those are my thoughts.
Those are my thoughts.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Dentist appointment
I had a dentist appointment today. I had to get temporary caps on two of my teeth. It was funny because while listening to the doctor drill my teeth down to practically nothing (or perhaps to keep my mind off of the fact that he was drilling my teeth down to nothing - I really like my teeth), I ran through several episodes of Stargate. That or I almost feel asleep. I was bouncing back and forth between the two. The appointment took an hour and a half. But I now have the temporary teeth. The one on the left is silver, so for two weeks I can brag about having a silver tooth. Of course, after that I will have permanent caps that match my others, so that won't be as fun. But much more practical. And I do like practical. Sometimes. I also found out that my dad has a gold tooth. Which is something I never knew before. It's funny how you can know someone for almost 22 years and just find out new things about them. Of course, my dad can also burp the alphabet - a talent my mom only found out about a few years ago, when Angela and I did, so that's even longer. Odd how that works. But I think he was purposely hiding it from her. She wasn't very impressed. :)
Friday, September 14, 2007
Random woody thoughts
As much as I am starting to loathe wood, I am at times pondering on the possibility of making my own dresser and bed when I return home from my mission. I think why I dislike my job sometimes is because I'm not doing anything I really want to do. I'm just making the same things over and over again, and it's getting tedious. Also the majority of the time, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing. I don't know what will be occupying my time for the rest of the day and that bothers me. Today I knew exactly what I was doing the entire day and really enjoyed work. It was completely mindless, boring work, but I liked it all the same. Maybe because I was working by myself, with no one looking over my shoulder, or maybe because when someone did finally come to work with me, he assumed I was in charge and let me give the orders and do the fun part. :) Actually, I just really like working with that guy. He and I have some sort of an understanding, which is funny, because I don't even know his name. That's kind of sad. But we both put our head phones into our ears with ear muffs over the top and how we communicate the majority of the time is by facial expressions or gestures. We don't talk unless we absolutely need to and it's pretty nice. I like it.
Anyway, I went to the outdoor movie night tonight. We watched Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, which is by far my favorite of those movies. But I have seen it so many times, that it was a little boring. Especially since I felt a little bad about quoting it, because the friend I was with hadn't seen it at all. Weird. Oh well.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Relief Society Retreat
The fire’s warmth did not penetrate far enough causing everyone to move closer to it’s radiating heat. Soon, however, they were all shifting in their seats, torn between wanting to be within the circle of heat created by this blaze, or wanting to be away from the fiery ash popping out of the pit with a loud crack. Some were content to stay back, wanting only to be out of the danger of the ash and smoke. Some just wanted to be warm and risked the hot ash in the hopes that they would be warm enough not to care. The rest just paid attention to the speaker, not bothering about the fire, it’s danger or it’s warmth. Then there was me. I was as close as I could get to the fire without being in danger of falling in. Every once in a while I would poke it with my stick, moving one long or another to keep it as warm as I could. The ash didn’t bother me, if it hit me I just brushed it off with my hand, ignoring the heat. When I was positive the fire was going at it’s maximum strength, I sat back, frowning as the coldness of my seat soaked in, letting me know I was about to pay for my pyrotechnics.
I gazed into the fire, only really half seeing it. The smoke stung my eyes as I stared, unblinkingly; but my thoughts were far distant. The awesomeness of God’s power flowed over me as I tried to imagine his creations. I knew I never could, so I gave up after a while and looked to the sky. The stars weren’t as bright as they usually are when I’m camping because of the lights of the cabins. I could see the constellations twinkling brightly. How many of the stars I see now have people living on planets surrounding them? How many of my brothers and sisters are looking up right now, seeing my sun and wondering the same thing? The magnitude of the thought was too much for me and I turned to gaze at the fire once more, welcoming the simplicity of it.
Everyone watched as the chipmunk scurried around underfoot, wanting to be closer to people who might have food, but scared nonetheless. It didn’t notice that we were watching and wandered around, darting this way and that to keep us from detecting it. But no one could not have seen it as it scuttled up a lady’s leg, making people gasp. The woman next to them jumped up and hurried away, terrified of the small creature. Seeing it had been acknowledged it leaped from it’s perch on her knee, and scampered away, but not for long.
I took off at a slow jog, determined to force my body to run. At first, it was glorious, and I quicken my stride, my feet hitting the gravel with a soft slap. But my lungs soon began to protest and I had to slow again as I turned to start the climb uphill. Halfway up my whole body was screaming for relief and I slowed to a walk, panting as my lungs yelled for air. I could hear the sounds of animals to my left, but knew that it wasn’t really a cougar as it sounded, but a group of people, making the sounds as they laughed after each one. They were very realistic. Not finding what I had intended to find, I finally listened to my stomach and brain as they informed me it was time to eat and I turned and started jogging back down the hill. This was easier than up and I made it to the bottom without to much trouble. I got back to the camp and began to work on getting breakfast, but I was so lightheaded and tired that I vowed never to run first thing in the morning again. No matter what.
I gazed into the fire, only really half seeing it. The smoke stung my eyes as I stared, unblinkingly; but my thoughts were far distant. The awesomeness of God’s power flowed over me as I tried to imagine his creations. I knew I never could, so I gave up after a while and looked to the sky. The stars weren’t as bright as they usually are when I’m camping because of the lights of the cabins. I could see the constellations twinkling brightly. How many of the stars I see now have people living on planets surrounding them? How many of my brothers and sisters are looking up right now, seeing my sun and wondering the same thing? The magnitude of the thought was too much for me and I turned to gaze at the fire once more, welcoming the simplicity of it.
Everyone watched as the chipmunk scurried around underfoot, wanting to be closer to people who might have food, but scared nonetheless. It didn’t notice that we were watching and wandered around, darting this way and that to keep us from detecting it. But no one could not have seen it as it scuttled up a lady’s leg, making people gasp. The woman next to them jumped up and hurried away, terrified of the small creature. Seeing it had been acknowledged it leaped from it’s perch on her knee, and scampered away, but not for long.
I took off at a slow jog, determined to force my body to run. At first, it was glorious, and I quicken my stride, my feet hitting the gravel with a soft slap. But my lungs soon began to protest and I had to slow again as I turned to start the climb uphill. Halfway up my whole body was screaming for relief and I slowed to a walk, panting as my lungs yelled for air. I could hear the sounds of animals to my left, but knew that it wasn’t really a cougar as it sounded, but a group of people, making the sounds as they laughed after each one. They were very realistic. Not finding what I had intended to find, I finally listened to my stomach and brain as they informed me it was time to eat and I turned and started jogging back down the hill. This was easier than up and I made it to the bottom without to much trouble. I got back to the camp and began to work on getting breakfast, but I was so lightheaded and tired that I vowed never to run first thing in the morning again. No matter what.
* ~ * ~ *
Those are the random experiences I had at the Relief Society Retreat this last weekend. I was going to put up pictures, but I can't find them now. :'( They were cool pictures too. Oh well.
I have about decided that I'm sick of wood. Wow! I know. I never thought it would happen either, but it just about has. I'm working with it just flat out too much and it's about to kill me. Maybe even literally. My entire right arm is dead. I'm surprised I'm able to even use it. I lifted really long boards and sanded them multiple times for about four hours this morning. I ended up having to get a wrist brace. Then I didn't need it when I got back and I was sanding by hand instead of with a sander, so I couldn't wear it anyway. It was all very annoying. It doesn't help that I think my supervisor dislikes me greatly. The guy that did like me retired yesterday. Which means we had a party, which was kind of fun. (Speaking of yesterday, happy late Patriot Day everyone.)
Anyway, I'm almost done with my mission papers. I should have them completely finished by the end of the month. I just need my physical and the permanent caps on the two teeth I got root canals on. So it shouldn't take too much longer! YAY! I'm so excited. I set my availability date for Dec 1, so that I'll be able to see Richard before I go. Even if it's only for a few days. I can buy him that ice cream I owe him. But if I go anywhere other than the United States, I likely won't leave that soon, because I'll need a passport and a visa, neither of which I have ever needed so I've just never gotten one. So there ya go. I'll keep you all posted.
Monday, September 3, 2007
Bloodbath
My dad is telling me to go to bed. But since I just woke up 12 hours ago, I find no point in going to bed quite yet, although I am starting to get a little tired and I have work at eight tomorrow morning.
Today I hung out with Aubrey, Heather, and Caulene. It was fun. We went to Saver's 50% of sale and I only bought two things. A gray blazer that fits me perfectly and a goblet ice cream bowl thing (that was mostly for the fun of it). Then we went back to Heather and Aubrey's apartment and just hung out and were lazy. Happy Labor Day to us! I love lazy days. We need more of them.
Today I hung out with Aubrey, Heather, and Caulene. It was fun. We went to Saver's 50% of sale and I only bought two things. A gray blazer that fits me perfectly and a goblet ice cream bowl thing (that was mostly for the fun of it). Then we went back to Heather and Aubrey's apartment and just hung out and were lazy. Happy Labor Day to us! I love lazy days. We need more of them.
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Engagement and Missions
Today was kind of boring. It was Fast Sunday, and my body decided right after Sunday School that it didn't want me fasting anymore and gave me quite a bit of pain. I'm still in some. But I should be fine. I'm hoping that it was just my body still adjusting to the fact that I don't have a gallbladder and that I can fast someday. My dad can't. Argh.
Tierra and Jason showed up at ward prayer and she was showing off a new ring. She and Jason are getting married December 27th. Sad thing, I might be on my mission by then. I'm going to try to push my papers through as fast as possible. I hope to at least have my call by November 28th when Richard gets home, but I might be gone by then too. Probably not, and part of me is hoping not, because I would like to see him before I go, but I know he'd be all for me going as soon as possible. If I'm not gone, I'm not going to tell him I have my call and then when I see him at the airport I'm going to hug him and then hand it to him. not quite as sneaky as how he told me, but it's as good as I can do since he already knows I'm working on my papers. I'm not as good as he is at keeping my own secrets. He didn't tell anyone but my parents that he was working on his papers until he got his call. When he e-mailed me and told me, the subject line was "Yo, Sis. What up?" Then he proceeded to tell me about this letter he got in the mail that said - and he quoted it. I was slightly stunned, to say the least. Whitney and Riley couldn't figure out what was wrong and it was about a minute before I could tell them. So, my telling him won't be as cool as his, but it should be fun. I just have to tell everyone not to tell him first.
Tierra and Jason showed up at ward prayer and she was showing off a new ring. She and Jason are getting married December 27th. Sad thing, I might be on my mission by then. I'm going to try to push my papers through as fast as possible. I hope to at least have my call by November 28th when Richard gets home, but I might be gone by then too. Probably not, and part of me is hoping not, because I would like to see him before I go, but I know he'd be all for me going as soon as possible. If I'm not gone, I'm not going to tell him I have my call and then when I see him at the airport I'm going to hug him and then hand it to him. not quite as sneaky as how he told me, but it's as good as I can do since he already knows I'm working on my papers. I'm not as good as he is at keeping my own secrets. He didn't tell anyone but my parents that he was working on his papers until he got his call. When he e-mailed me and told me, the subject line was "Yo, Sis. What up?" Then he proceeded to tell me about this letter he got in the mail that said - and he quoted it. I was slightly stunned, to say the least. Whitney and Riley couldn't figure out what was wrong and it was about a minute before I could tell them. So, my telling him won't be as cool as his, but it should be fun. I just have to tell everyone not to tell him first.
Saturday, September 1, 2007
Playing Around
I got to go to the temple again this morning. Last week I wasn't feeling well enough yet, and the week before that no one got up for it and I didn't want to go by myself. It was great to go back to the Mt. Timpanogos Temple where all the workers know us.
Today I spent the day playing with Megan. We went shopping and in the end I bought socks. That was all. But we bonded a lot and I found out that even though Megan said she didn't like the mall, we still spent most of our time there and she seemed to enjoy herself. I enjoyed the fact that we had rolls for lunch. They were really good and I liked that I could have them. Then we saw Ashley and she and I set up a time to hang out. I haven't seen her much since she got married. Funny how that works. But we are having dinner at her apartment and I'm excited. YAY!!! :D
While Megan and I were out playing Josh texted me and asked if I wanted to go to a violin concert. I said yes and we (with Scott and Amanda) drove to Temple Square and watched Josh's cousin's cousins perform. It was really good and I enjoyed the music immensely. I would have enjoyed the whole thing a lot more if I hadn't been wearing the wrong shoes with nylons and got blisters on the balls of my feet. That made it difficult to walk. I took my shoes and socks off and walked barefoot, and that helped a little, but not as much. I hope they're okay tomorrow, but who knows. The socks I have on now (which are the ones I bought earlier today) are very comfortable and they are helping a bit. I think sleep will be good. ;) <-- me half asleep.
Today I spent the day playing with Megan. We went shopping and in the end I bought socks. That was all. But we bonded a lot and I found out that even though Megan said she didn't like the mall, we still spent most of our time there and she seemed to enjoy herself. I enjoyed the fact that we had rolls for lunch. They were really good and I liked that I could have them. Then we saw Ashley and she and I set up a time to hang out. I haven't seen her much since she got married. Funny how that works. But we are having dinner at her apartment and I'm excited. YAY!!! :D
While Megan and I were out playing Josh texted me and asked if I wanted to go to a violin concert. I said yes and we (with Scott and Amanda) drove to Temple Square and watched Josh's cousin's cousins perform. It was really good and I enjoyed the music immensely. I would have enjoyed the whole thing a lot more if I hadn't been wearing the wrong shoes with nylons and got blisters on the balls of my feet. That made it difficult to walk. I took my shoes and socks off and walked barefoot, and that helped a little, but not as much. I hope they're okay tomorrow, but who knows. The socks I have on now (which are the ones I bought earlier today) are very comfortable and they are helping a bit. I think sleep will be good. ;) <-- me half asleep.
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