Humility

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are we not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone.
And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others.

My friends and I were having a conversation this evening, during which I mentioned how amazing I am.  Now while, in a way, I was saying this jokingly as I often do, it did move us to a more serious topic (I think) when one of my friends said "And she's humble too!"  Now, please note, I mean no disrespect to the person who said this in anyway, he's a great guy, but in my opinion this is an overused, and inappropriately used term.  I quickly responded, quite seriously, that I considered myself quite humble.  He then told me that if I was really humble, I wouldn't say that.

Now, perhaps I have a different opinion as to what the term humble means, but I believe that a person who knows they are humble will, when appropriate, admit to being so.  It is a Christlike quality that we are all striving for.  I also believe that Christ, as the most humble person ever, would tell you when asked, quite simply, that yes, He's humble.

Humility is not putting yourself down. In fact, I believe that it's just the opposite.  I don't believe that Heavenly Father is ever happy with us when we put ourselves down.  How would you feel about hearing someone you love more than anything say they're stupid, not good enough, or hopeless?  To me, humility is the ability to see yourself for who you truly are, understand your gifts, and allow yourself to be praised for them; all the while knowing where they came from and giving thanks for them.  I see no problem at all in telling yourself that you are amazing, incredible, or brilliant.  As long as you are not doing so by putting others down.  A truly humble person will not only see the good in themselves, but they will see the good in others, and tell them that they do.  I have taken up the habit of trying to compliment people whenever I think of something.  If I like someone's shirt, I tell them so.  If I think they did awesome in class, I tell them.  Just thinking a compliment does no one any good.

So, any of you who may be offended, or put off by me taking a compliment by saying "thanks, I know, I'm amazing," please understand.  It's not that I am a vain person.  It's simply that I know who I am.  And as God is my creator, I am automatically amazing by default. I only try to live up to that status.

Two years

This is a very weird feeling. Tomorrow is the two year anniversary of coming home from my mission. It doesn't feel like it's been that long. But at the same time, when I think about how much I've done since getting home, it seems like forever. I've been to Alaska and back, sent one of my best friends on his mission, and started school.  I think back to that day and am amazed at how far I've come. The feelings that I had that day - how overwhelmed I was, apprehensiveness, the sinking sense of failure. I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I was supposed to come home that day, but that didn't change the fact that I felt like I had failed at my mission. I had so much ahead of me that I had to do, that I had to figure out. I didn't know where to start, or who I would be when I finished. Or even IF I would finish.
Well, maybe I'm not finished, simply because I think that's nigh unto impossible, but to think of how far I've come from that depressed, lonely woman on that airplane two years ago, I am simply astounded. I know and have completely accepted who I am. I'm not depressed most of the time, and even when I am, I know how to counteract it. I am finally happy with who I am and nothing is proving that to me more than my Stratigies for Success class. Right now we're talking about negative thoughts and feelings that could hinder our school work, career goals, etc. When I think of what negative thoughts about myself I might have, I honestly can't think of any. There is nothing anymore that can hold me back. I won't ever allow it again. I've been down the road of depression and rejection and pointlessness, and I won't do it again. I refuse to even step foot down that path again and that show me just how far I've come and how well I now know myself. I don't listen to negativity, I don't pay attention to what others think. Everything about me is between me and my Father in Heaven. No one else's opinion really matters. I will listen to advice, and I will take most under consideration, but in the end, I will do what I feel is right. I was never like that before. I have found my freedom and it feels great! The last two years have been so good to me. And now looking back, I realize how much I was not a failure on my mission. It taught me exactly what I was supposed to learn and I did exactly what I was  supposed to do. I am where I'm supposed to be.

Midterm

Tuesday was midterm and thus far in my classes, I have perfect grades.  I took two tests on Tuesday.  I got 100% on my Terminology test, and I think I did pretty good on my computer Fundamentals test.  It's still so nice to be in school.  It's so great to be busy.  I love it.  Now that I've got a job as well, I'm definitely staying busy enough to avoid depression.  I haven't felt depressed in a little while.  It's been GREAT!  I've been busy with things that will wrinkle my brain, but I've also had time to have a bit of a social life.  I think I love life! (oh wait, take out the think) :D