Depression and the amazing lack thereof.

It's interesting to see how much my life has changed over the last few months. I've been home now for almost as long as I was gone and my outlook on life has flopped 180 degrees. (Well, maybe 160)
I have finally learned to accept me for me. Before my mission, and especially in high school, I tried so hard to be what I thought everyone else wanted me to be. I had to be the perfect daughter, the perfect friend, the perfect example, or people wouldn't like me. And I always wanted everyone to notice how perfect I was being. Now I don't have to be the perfect daughter. I love my parents, and they love me, but we don't always see eye to eye on all things and that's ok. I actually feel their love more than I did before. Not all of my friends understand the changes I've made, but most of them are actually getting along with me better now that I'm not trying so hard. While I still want approval and love, I don't go out of my way to find it. I don't become someone I'm not in order to gain someone's love.
And I finally figured out why that's so important. I couldn't feel other's love for me back then, because I wasn't being me. I was being someone else and they couldn't possibly love me, because they had no idea who I was. And I couldn't love me either, because I hadn't made that connection so I could finally start learning who I was. It took a very good, very blunt friend to knock me upside the head, tell me it was very difficult to love me, and show that she was trying anyway to finally help me see what I believe Heavenly Father was trying to get me to see all along. I believe with all my heart that this was the main reason that I went on a mission. Was so that this amazing person could help me realize I needed to go home. I am loved. Once I figured that out, nothing else mattered. I could simply be me and move on with my life. I won't say that everything fell into place immediately, but things definitely fell into place. And now I'm doing what I want to do. I'm living for me, instead of anyone else. In fact, for the first time ever, I'm living. Period.