Why is it so hard to give each other real compliments? Why are we so scared to tell someone that we like something about them? Do you think they'll get mad at you for saying something nice to them? Are we scared of embarrassing them? Are we scared that - gasp! Heaven forbid! - they might think we LIKE them? Why do we as mortals worry so much about the outside appearance and not as much about the part beneath the surface?
I admit, I'm guilty of this as well. I know that I don't thank Tierra enough for listening to my endless rants, for giving me advice, and just all around being an incredibly awesome person. I don't thank my mom enough for, well, anything. She's my mother and she amazing, but I hardly ever actually acknowledge that to her. The same thing goes for my Dad.
Why are we always so scared to say thank you? To say I love you? Why are we scared to say hi to that random person on the street with a slightly sad look on their face? Why are we so scared to compliment?
When I was younger, I would brag about how amazing I was. I would repeat my self-compliment until someone either acknowledged it as well, or told me to shut up. I wanted to be complimented so badly that I had to do it myself. To add to the stupidity of the situation, whenever I was complimented, I would, as was common, inform them how wrong they were and argue with them that whatever they just complimented me about wasn't true. I also, because of pride, couldn't compliment anyone else. I could only compliment someone else if I thought they would then compliment me. I would then be very hurt if that compliment didn't come.
I have since learned that in order to truly feel good about yourself, you have to accept yourself, instead of waiting for others to accept you. You need self-validation, others validating you doesn't ever work.
Interestingly, I've actually gotten a fairly high amount of compliments lately. People have complimented me on how skinny I look, called me sexy, told me my ears were cute. My hair, my eyes, my pants, my shirt. Thank you. I know you mean well, and I thank you for taking the time to give me a compliment. It is sometimes not easy to do so for most people.
However, I wish someone would compliment me on something that actually had to do with me. I'm glad you think my hair is cute. But it's just hair. I'm glad you noticed that I lost weight. But I don't even know how I did it and it's half annoying me. I'm glad you like my shirt. My mom gave it to me, she has good taste. I'm glad you like my pants. They're the only ones that fit me since I lost that weight. And it honestly just weirds me out that anyone would think of me as sexy.
None of those things are me. They are all just outward things. Those are the kind of compliments that I smile and nod and thank people for, but forget about ten minutes later. You know what compliments mean the most? The ones that are actually about me. My dad bragging about the fact that I designed and made a dress myself. My uncle telling me that I did a good job on my wands. My sister-in-law telling me I have a gift with her son, the ability to calm him down and get him to sleep easily. My friend thanking me for listening to her when she needs to rant, telling me I'm a good listener.
Those are the things that are me. Sometimes I wonder why most of my friends like me. Obviously they do because otherwise they wouldn't hang out with me. Sometimes I wonder what I can being into this world besides a cute butt and a skinny waist. That sounds terrible, I know, but I honestly don't care what I look like. I care if I'm healthy and I appreciate the few friends that have been helping me get more so. Rachelle and Tierra for helping me get past the point where I couldn't eat without getting nauseous.
The point of this was that I wanted to rant and at first was going to ask why people like me. I was going to ask for non-physical compliments. And now, after this rant about self-validation, I feel slightly stupid doing that. But, I still want to ask. Not necessarily digging for compliments, just wanting to know what you all think I'm good at. I was reading a book that tells you to write your strengths. While I do want to be able to validate myself, I'm honestly feeling very useless and weak right now. What strengths do I have?
I admit, I'm guilty of this as well. I know that I don't thank Tierra enough for listening to my endless rants, for giving me advice, and just all around being an incredibly awesome person. I don't thank my mom enough for, well, anything. She's my mother and she amazing, but I hardly ever actually acknowledge that to her. The same thing goes for my Dad.
Why are we always so scared to say thank you? To say I love you? Why are we scared to say hi to that random person on the street with a slightly sad look on their face? Why are we so scared to compliment?
When I was younger, I would brag about how amazing I was. I would repeat my self-compliment until someone either acknowledged it as well, or told me to shut up. I wanted to be complimented so badly that I had to do it myself. To add to the stupidity of the situation, whenever I was complimented, I would, as was common, inform them how wrong they were and argue with them that whatever they just complimented me about wasn't true. I also, because of pride, couldn't compliment anyone else. I could only compliment someone else if I thought they would then compliment me. I would then be very hurt if that compliment didn't come.
I have since learned that in order to truly feel good about yourself, you have to accept yourself, instead of waiting for others to accept you. You need self-validation, others validating you doesn't ever work.
Interestingly, I've actually gotten a fairly high amount of compliments lately. People have complimented me on how skinny I look, called me sexy, told me my ears were cute. My hair, my eyes, my pants, my shirt. Thank you. I know you mean well, and I thank you for taking the time to give me a compliment. It is sometimes not easy to do so for most people.
However, I wish someone would compliment me on something that actually had to do with me. I'm glad you think my hair is cute. But it's just hair. I'm glad you noticed that I lost weight. But I don't even know how I did it and it's half annoying me. I'm glad you like my shirt. My mom gave it to me, she has good taste. I'm glad you like my pants. They're the only ones that fit me since I lost that weight. And it honestly just weirds me out that anyone would think of me as sexy.
None of those things are me. They are all just outward things. Those are the kind of compliments that I smile and nod and thank people for, but forget about ten minutes later. You know what compliments mean the most? The ones that are actually about me. My dad bragging about the fact that I designed and made a dress myself. My uncle telling me that I did a good job on my wands. My sister-in-law telling me I have a gift with her son, the ability to calm him down and get him to sleep easily. My friend thanking me for listening to her when she needs to rant, telling me I'm a good listener.
Those are the things that are me. Sometimes I wonder why most of my friends like me. Obviously they do because otherwise they wouldn't hang out with me. Sometimes I wonder what I can being into this world besides a cute butt and a skinny waist. That sounds terrible, I know, but I honestly don't care what I look like. I care if I'm healthy and I appreciate the few friends that have been helping me get more so. Rachelle and Tierra for helping me get past the point where I couldn't eat without getting nauseous.
The point of this was that I wanted to rant and at first was going to ask why people like me. I was going to ask for non-physical compliments. And now, after this rant about self-validation, I feel slightly stupid doing that. But, I still want to ask. Not necessarily digging for compliments, just wanting to know what you all think I'm good at. I was reading a book that tells you to write your strengths. While I do want to be able to validate myself, I'm honestly feeling very useless and weak right now. What strengths do I have?
1 comment:
You don't need to thank me, just repay the favor of me always listening to you and helping you with your stories by doing the same. ;) Yeah. Also, no offense, but I don't find you sexually appealing at all! I hope that helps! LOL! Seriously tho. You have so many talents J. You need to make a list of them in order of the ones you like the most and stick it on your wall so whenever you feel useless you can just look at it and go "YAY! I'm awesome!".
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