I would like to apologize for my last entry. It was written when I was both upset and extremely hurt. That is, perhaps, the worst time to write anything because you are the most likely to hurt someone. It is, however, when I most feel like writing. Generally once I get my feelings out on paper, they leave me. Usually I use my journal, and this is probably a time I should have done so instead of putting my hurt and angry thoughts out there for the world to see. The truth is, the second I had all of that entry written down, I forgave him. I no longer think he hurt me intentionally. And I no longer feel any bad feelings toward him.
You see, while some of my friends may not understand this, and others will perhaps even get upset at me for writing it, despite the way that this young man used me, I will always love him. It will likely have to go back to the way it was before my mission, him being my "younger brother who's taller than me", and me being his older sister. While I believe I will always wish it was more, I would rather have him in my life in that capacity than not at all. And I am sorry for what I said. I said that I wasn't mad at him and didn't hate him, but the truth of the matter is, when I wrote that entry, I did. I was mad at him. He had hurt me and in my pain I wanted to hurt him back. But as my dad often says "And eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth and suddenly the whole world is blind and toothless". What's the point in revenge? Does it make the person seeking it feel better? Of course not. It only hurts them more. It does usually accomplish the goal it was intended for, making the other person hurt, but it doesn't make anyone feel any better. It only burns bridges. I would truly like to rebuild this bridge the way it was. But I can only build half of it. Now I have to find out if my brother will build the other part. I'm truly sorry.
You see, while some of my friends may not understand this, and others will perhaps even get upset at me for writing it, despite the way that this young man used me, I will always love him. It will likely have to go back to the way it was before my mission, him being my "younger brother who's taller than me", and me being his older sister. While I believe I will always wish it was more, I would rather have him in my life in that capacity than not at all. And I am sorry for what I said. I said that I wasn't mad at him and didn't hate him, but the truth of the matter is, when I wrote that entry, I did. I was mad at him. He had hurt me and in my pain I wanted to hurt him back. But as my dad often says "And eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth and suddenly the whole world is blind and toothless". What's the point in revenge? Does it make the person seeking it feel better? Of course not. It only hurts them more. It does usually accomplish the goal it was intended for, making the other person hurt, but it doesn't make anyone feel any better. It only burns bridges. I would truly like to rebuild this bridge the way it was. But I can only build half of it. Now I have to find out if my brother will build the other part. I'm truly sorry.
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