How do you know when something is right or wrong? How do you know when doing something would be good for you or if you would regret it for the rest of your life? Or at least a few years. I wish I could get answers as definitively as I got the answer to go on a mission. Or the answer to come home. Those answers were so clear, it was easy to follow. The thing is, I'm not good at leaps of faith. I never have been. My goal when I left my mission was to have no fear and to just jump into things I want with all my heart, but so far it's just left me mangled on the ground. Some of those things have left me more mangled than others, but they've all left scars. I know that's life, and it happens to everyone, but do I really want to rush towards the things that will scar me? How do I know what will scar me? What if, while running from things that have scarred me, I run headlong into something that scars me even more (although, how that's possible, I'm not sure)?
Why can't I be who I want to be instead of who I've always been? I have an image in my head of who I want to be, but every time I seem get closer to her, I get yanked away by heartache or depression, or some such pain. I'm trying to be honest with myself, and look at myself indifferently, but that's seemingly impossible (how you can look at yourself indifferently, I don't know, which is probably part of the problem). What more can I do? I just feel lost within myself lately and don't know where to run.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
This is a tough one.
I have been stuck in this same exact predicament for years.
Leaps of faith aren't really my thing either.
But, I can tell you that spending time regretting decisions BEFORE YOU'VE EVEN MADE THEM is time well wasted.
9 times out of 10 after you make a decision, and firmly plant both feet in the direction you've chosen you will NOT look back in regret.
Scars are very painful, but I wouldn't trade any of mine. They are my battle wounds, relics of a long-worn war I wage against treachery, self-loathing, and pure and simple evil.
Leaps of faith are always much more alarming before you make them. But, for better or for worse, The Lord will never push you beyond your means.
Whether you fall flat on your face, or you land gracefully on greener pasture, He WILL protect you.
I hope this all makes sense. It's kinda rambly, but I have a million thoughts, ideas, and emotions I wish I would share with you.
Here are some words that have brought me through a lot.
"The Lord will never ask for more than you can give. But, he does ask for ALL that you can give."
Post a Comment